


I want to know you

by bramcrackers



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: POV Simon, Pining, nothing really inappropriate but theres some swearing just like in the novel, simon and blue, simon finds blue's note two weeks earlier, simon is a clueless gay, spierfeld makes me soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:52:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14403489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramcrackers/pseuds/bramcrackers
Summary: "I stare at the shirt for about a minute. There’s this area at the top of the shirt near the neck hole where it feels like something is poking against my hand. I reach through the bottom of the shirt and pull it out."What would have happened if Simon had found Blue's note the day he got the shirt? How would things have played out differently?





	1. Chapter 1

I get home from school with the shirt in my backpack. Because we’re getting so close to opening night, rehearsal ran longer than normal so by the time I get home I’m completely exhausted. I just want to curl up on my bed and listen to my ‘Great Depression’ playlist.

As I sit onto my bed, I reach into my backpack, pulling out the shirt. I still feel this rush of anger at Blue but I can’t even explain it. I’m super pissed at him but I also think there’s a bigger part of me that’s still kind of in love with him and it’s completely irrational. Especially considering I don’t even know who the hell he is. I stare at the shirt for about a minute. There’s this area at the top of the shirt near the neck hole where it feels like something is poking against my hand. I reach through the bottom of the shirt and pull it out. 

It’s another note written on blue-green construction paper. My heart starts to race and I realize that I’m shaking.

_P.S. I love the way you smile like you don’t realize you’re doing it. I love your perpetual bed head. I love the way you hold eye contact a moment longer than you need to. And I love your moon-gray eyes. So if you think I’m not attracted to you, Simon, you’re crazy._

And underneath that, he’s written his phone number.

My fingers are trembling as I pull out my phone. I could easily call him right now and hear his voice and know exactly who he is. But I promised him I wouldn’t call until he’s ready. I punch his number into my contacts and stare at it for about five minutes. All this time I wanted to be able to text him and talk to him and now that I can I don’t even know what to freaking type.

_Hey. It’s Simon._

There’s this knot in the pit of my stomach as I hit send. I’m completely jittery and nauseated and kind of terrified. A part of me feels like he won’t even answer considering he’s barely been answering my emails since we got back from Christmas break. I have a shit ton of homework to do but I know there’s no way in hell I can focus on it now so I don’t even try to do it. Instead, I spend the next fifteen minutes staring at my phone and wondering whether or not Blue’s actually read my message. 

About a minute later, my phone buzzes. 

It’s him: _Hey._

I bite my lip as I type: _Thanks for the Elliott Smith shirt._

I hate that this is insanely awkward. A week ago I would have jumped at the chance to have Blue’s number and now things are so different between us that I don’t know what to say to him. I just want him to tell me who he is so I can talk to him in person.

I feel my heart skip a beat as three dots come up on my phone screen. He’s typing.

_It’s no problem._

And suddenly I don’t care. I don’t care how pissed off I am at him. All I want is to talk to him and let him know exactly how I feel. Which is irrationally and unquestionably in love with him. I’m not even sure if it’s possible to fall in love over the internet and I never saw myself doing that but I just know that he’s the only person I’ve been able to talk to about certain things and that I’ve opened up to him more than I’ve opened up to anyone else in my life.

_Look, I know things are different now. And I know I still have no idea who you are. But_ _I know you’re thoughtful and funny and smart and you always know how to say exactly the right thing. I_ _also know is I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you and imagining us meeting in person. I’m not sure if you’re ready for that but if you are. I_ _really do w_ _ant to meet you._ _And I’m not just saying that out of curiosity or whatever. When I flirt with you, it’s not a joke._ _And_ _I can’t imagine_ _a scenario where I_ _won’t want to kiss your face off as soon as I see you._ _Just wanted to make that perfectly clear._

I’m about to hit send but I quickly stop myself and add one more thing to the text.

 _Love,_    
_Simon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first work on this site and I wasn't 100% sure whether or not I would actually post this but, yeah. I know this is kind of short and I sort of have more of the story planned out so i'm pretty sure the chapters will get longer once it picks up. I'm not sure how long this fic will be altogether and I'll try to update when I have time but unfortunately, school is something that is always kicking my ass so i'm not sure how frequently updated it'll be. Anyways, I always want to get better at writing so constructive feedback is always welcome :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not Becky Albertalli (obviously) so the characters and all parts that are quoted directly from the book aren't mine.


	2. Chapter 2

I can barely fall asleep tonight. My mind is stuck on Blue and he’s all I can think about. The next morning, I grab my phone off the charger and I’m automatically wide awake when I see that I have five new text messages. The first four are from Abby asking about our homework for French class, which I totally forgot about, but the one that instantly grabs my attention is the one from Blue.

_I’m sorry, Simon. I know it isn’t fair but I think a big part of me is just scared that you’ll be disappointed when you find out who I am. I also know I shouldn’t have expected you to figure it out but I think_ _maybe_ _you would h_ _ave if you’ve been_ _looking for it to be me._

My stomach feels knotted, and not in a tingly, good way. I hate that I was so convinced it was Cal Price. There definitely had to be a lot of clues that pointed to other guys but I just had to keep letting myself believe that Cal was Blue. And what’s really strange is I don’t even feel disappointed that it wasn’t him. I’m only disappointed that I had to fuck up and get it wrong.

I mean, I don’t even know what to say. I just stare at the text on my phone until I hear my mom yelling at me to get ready for school.

When Nora and I arrive at Creekwood High, she gets out of the car and glances over at me, expecting me to follow her out.    
“Aren’t you coming?” She asks.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” I say. I need to figure out what to say to Blue. I almost can’t believe he’s convinced that I wouldn’t fall in love with him the second I saw him. That I’m not in love with him now. It honestly makes me feel like a shitty person.

“I don’t think people are going to continue giving you too much trouble at school.” Nora says. She thinks I’m just trying to avoid kids at school looking at me funny. But at this point I honestly couldn’t care less.

“I know.” I reply. “Don’t worry about me just go ahead.” 

She looks hesitant to leave but, thankfully, turns around and starts heading toward the building.

I pull out my phone, trying to gather my thoughts together as I type my next message.

_Look_ _,_ _I’m sorry I’ve been so clueless. I know I’m an idiot. But I promise I won’t be disappointed when I find out who you are. And, yes, I did think you were someone else. But I don’t even care that you aren’t who I thought you were. Because I fell in love with your personality so what makes you think I’m not_ _going to_ _love you in person, too? Just PLEASE give me a chance to prove it to you._

The bell is about to ring in a few minutes so I get out of the car and start heading toward the building. I see Leah and Nick standing by the entrance so I walk over to them, trying to get my mind to think about something, anything, other than Blue.

“Hey, Spier.” Nick greets me as Leah looks up from a paper she’s been sketching on. I catch a glimpse of it and it’s another pretty realistic manga-style drawing.

“Did you guys do the reading for English?” I ask, trying to keep things from being too silent and awkward. 

“Nah, I got home kind of late last night so I just crashed. Abby and I met up at WaHo after you guys got out of rehearsal.”

I glance at Leah and I can see her biting her lip. You can tell she seems sort of pissed about Nick and Abby spending so time together. I guess if there was one good thing that could’ve come out of the Martin and Abby thing actually working, it would be Leah finally relaxing. But of course everything just had to blow itself up.

The bell rings so the three of us all start walking towards Mr. Wise’s classroom. I check my phone as soon as I get to my desk but no new text messages. I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. The service sucks at this school but sometimes texts are able to go through anyways. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch cute Bram Greenfeld staring at me. I smile back at him, a little self-consciously, and he quickly looks away. If Bram didn’t have a crush on Leah and if he was, well, gay, then I could definitely see myself really falling for him. But of course, I’m trying to stick to my policy of not falling for straight guys. Even if they do have nice brown eyes and cute soccer calves. And the other thing is, I just can’t see myself wanting to be with someone who isn’t Blue. I just can’t.

Mr. Wise stands up from his desk and tells us to get out our copies of _The Awakening_. He gives us some assignment to prove we actually did the homework reading (as if half the class doesn’t just go on sparknotes before getting to class) and then pulls out a stack of papers to grade.

I’m having trouble focusing throughout the entire morning. I’m constantly checking my phone to see if I’ve gotten a reply from Blue. Nothing.

“Hey!” Abby catches me off guard as she comes up behind me in the hallway, placing her arms on my shoulders. “You’re in your own little world today.”   
Jesus Christ, am I really that obvious?

“Yeah, there’s been a lot going on.” I say, walking beside her.

“I know.” She sighs. “I honestly can’t believe our first performance is on Friday. I think I’m probably going to throw up just thinking about it.”   
“You’re gonna be great.” I assure her. “Just don’t steal Taylor’s spotlight.” I’m joking, sort of. We all know Taylor loves any chance she gets to have the focus on her.

Abby laughs. “Yeah, I don’t wanna take away from her chance to shine.”

We take our time joining everyone in the cafeteria. It’s always really easy to be around Abby and talking to her is just a great distraction from obsessing over whether or not Blue is even going to reply at all.

Thankfully, everyone is already deep in conversation by the time we get to our table. Nick and Garrett are talking about the soccer tryouts and Bram is listening quietly. Leah’s discussing something with Morgan and Anna but her attention is diverted when I sit down next to her.

“Hey.” I greet her, scooting my chair in.

“Hey.” She responds. She seems to be in a better mood than this morning but I’m pretty sure that’s about to change as soon as Nick starts draping himself all over Abby.

“I don’t have rehearsal after school.” I tell her. “Want to do something?”

“Sure. What?”   
“It doesn’t matter.” I shrug. Leah and I haven’t really hung out with it being just the two of us in forever and I’d honestly rather not spend the entire afternoon feeling guilty about Blue. 

I think I’m starting to get more obsessed with him than I was before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's excited for Leah on the Offbeat tomorrow? I know it's already out in some places but i've basically been waiting for it since what feels like forever so i'm really excited.
> 
> Also, HUGE thank you to those who reviewed so far and to everyone who bookmarked this fic/gave it kudos. I'm really glad you guys are liking this.
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter at @spierscas if you wanna watch my chaotic bisexual ass tweet obsessively over simon vs/ love simon and about a hundred other fandoms :)


	3. Chapter 3

After school, Leah and I drop Nora off at home before heading down to Waffle House. Leah had to loan her car to her mom for the day which basically means that I’m her chauffer. Not that I mind. Hanging out with Leah is the good kind of normal, especially at WaHo. It’s almost easy to forget about everything else going on.

Leah and I take a booth near the back of the restaurant. The restaurant isn’t super full but you can still hear the chatter of people talking in the background.

I barely glance at a menu, already knowing what I want. Just a stack of waffles drowned in syrup and a coke. Leah orders waffles too but with a sprite instead.

“Must be nice to not have rehearsal today for once.” Leah comments, setting her phone on the table.

“Yeah, but our first performance during school is this Friday and some people still don’t know their freaking lines. I feel like I’m going to throw up just thinking about it and I don’t even have a speaking part.”  
“Maybe Taylor can step in and perform the whole show if necessary.” Leah jokes, glancing down at her hands. I chuckle. Taylor would actually be freaking thrilled if that happened.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she has the entire script memorized.”

Leah looks like she’s about to say something else before a waiter returns with our drinks. The minute he leaves again she goes quiet.

“You okay?” I ask, gently. Depending on her mood, Leah can be pretty closed-off sometimes. And we usually never talk about how we’re feeling or get sentimental about anything. It’s just the way our friendship works. Besides, there are a lot of times when I can read her facial expressions and know exactly what she’s thinking. But every once in a while there’s these moments where I feel like there’s something she’s trying to tell me. I don’t even know. Maybe I’m just imagining it.  
She nods. “Yeah, just hungry.”

About an hour and a half later, I drop Leah off at her house before driving home. I park my car in the driveway right behind my mom’s then pull out my phone. I have one text from my mom asking when I’ll be home, two texts from Abby, and one text from Nick. But that’s it.

When I open the door, the first thing I hear is Bieber skitting across the living room floor to greet me. I scratch his ears before standing back up and heading toward the stairs.

“Simon, is that you?” My mother calls out.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

She enters from the kitchen with a bowl of spaghetti.

“Where’s Nora?” I ask, because she’s almost always the one making dinner. If someone else is cooking then she’s usually either sick, REALLY busy with homework, or not home.

“She’ll be back in about a couple hours. Are you hungry?”

“Not really. Leah and I were at Waffle House.” I tell her.

“Okay, well. I guess It’ll just be me and your dad then.”  
I nod before heading upstairs. When I get to my room, I flop onto my bed and open my text messages, the most important one.

I bite my lip. He still hasn’t answered and his read receipts aren’t on so I don’t know if he’s been busy or just leaving me on read. This really fucking sucks. I want so badly to be pissed at Blue, and maybe I still am on some level, but I’m also too in love with him to care. I go through the list of clues in my head again. Someone who’s Jewish, in my grade, has divorced parents, is only child (until little fetus comes anyways), is really fucking smart and loves Oreos and Reeses. But I still don’t even know. Part of me wants to text Blue again but there’s something that stops me. So I log into my Jacques email and reread every single one we’ve sent to each other before finding the courage to send another one.

 **FROM:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **TO:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **DATE:** January 14 at 7:33PM

 **SUBJECT:** We need to talk.

Blue,

I don’t know if you didn’t get a chance to answer my text or if you were even going to answer but I just really, really need to talk to you about all of this. I honestly wish you would just tell me who you are. I know you’re scared but now that you know my identity isn’t it weird that I don’t know yours?

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m really, really trying here. I don’t know what you want from me or what you want from us if you can’t tell me who you are. I’m trying to figure it out and I’m sorry for being clueless but you seriously have to help me. I don’t want to push you into revealing yourself before you’re ready. Or force you to come out. But if you told me who you were, I wouldn’t tell anyone. We don’t even have to date or anything if you’re not ready. But I do want to get to know you and not just over email or out of curiosity. There are a lot of things I’ve talked to you about that I haven’t talked about with anyone else, not even my best friends. You make me want to open up and in a way, less lonely. Not that I’m actually lonely. It’s kind of a weird feeling I can’t even describe it. But I want to be able to talk to you in person or hang out with you. Please think about it, okay?

Love,                                               

Simon.

I hit send and shut my laptop, sighing. I’m still logged into my Jacques email on my cell phone so I’ll know when, if, he replies. I just don’t like writing him on my phone because it loves to take advantage of being able to create unnecessary typos.

There’s a little ping that comes from my phone almost two hours later. It’s not a text, though. It’s an email.

 **FROM:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **TO:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **DATE:** January 14 at 9:07 PM

 **SUBJECT:** We need to talk.

Simon,

I’m sorry. I did read your text but I just didn’t know how to respond. I think I’m genuinely worried about how things will change once you know who I am. I promise I’m thinking about it and I wish I had the courage to tell you. I know I’m being ridiculous. I thought I’d feel braver after giving you my number but I don’t.

I’m truly sorry, Simon.

-Blue

 **FROM:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **TO:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **DATE:** January 14 at 9:16 PM

 **SUBJECT:** We need to talk.

Blue,

I know you’re scared but you have to trust me. Yes, things will change but after everything that’s happened I’m ready for it. This would be the best change out of all of them and the only one I actually want. I promise you wouldn’t lose me after. I don’t know how to make you see that.

-Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished reading Leah on the Offbeat and it was honestly amazing. To those of you who haven't read it yet I 10/10 recommend it. I actually have two, maybe three, oneshot ideas in mind based off of LOTO so I might try to upload them this weekend if I have time. I'm kinda disappointed there aren't already fics up yet for the book because I'm really looking forward to reading them.
> 
> Sooo more importantly thank you to everyone who's been reading so far and to everyone giving this story kudos. I feel the way about kudos that Simon does about Oreos (and of course, Bram) ;) and I also love reading feedback so please review and tell me what you liked about this or feel free to give me any constructive criticism on ways to make it better!!! :)


	4. Chapter 4

“Good job, everyone!” Ms. Albright says at the end of rehearsal on Thursday. “That was great. You guys have all worked so hard and I’m so proud of each and every one of you. You’re all going to do great tomorrow.”

We all go backstage to head into the dressing rooms. When I come out, I see Cal Price passing through to grab his backpack.

“That was really good, Simon.” He tells me, a small, polite smile plastered on his lips.

“Thanks.” I reply. I’m not sure how to interpret that. I mean, it’s not like I have any lines to mess up so I guess I’m good. Maybe I’m wrong but I sort of feel like Cal possibly does like me which would’ve been amazing two weeks ago, but now I feel taken by someone who won’t even tell me who he is. Ugh. If Cal really does have a crush on me then he probably thinks I’m giving him mixed signals all of a sudden. I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually been subtle about my feelings toward him so he probably thinks I still like him. “You think we’re ready for opening night?”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s going better than last week. Most people finally have their lines memorized.”

“Yeah.” I say. “Thank god. Or else it would’ve been a disaster.”

He chuckles, slightly. “Yeah. I’ll see you later, Simon.”

The second he leaves, Abby pops up next to me with a wide grin on her face. “You suuuuurrrrreeee there’s absolutely nothing going on between you two?” She asks, smirking.

“Nothing at all.” I confirm, blushing, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

“I’m just saying, he’s cute and he obviously likes you. I think you guys would make a cute couple.”

I don’t know how to reply to that.

Just as we’re walking out of the building, we spot Nick, Garrett and Bram heading toward the parking lot. Abby calls Nick’s name and they stop to wait for us.

“Hey! Did you guys just get out of soccer practice?” Her question is directed toward all three of them but she looks directly at Nick.

“Yup. We just finished.” Nick’s lovesick eyes are lit up when he answers her and it’s both a wonderful and awkward thing to witness. I hope to god I’m not that weird when looking at cute guys.

“How did it go?” I ask Garrett and Bram, trying to start a conversation. Maybe I should put in an effort to talk to them more. I don’t think I’ve ever spent a moment alone with either one of them for more than a few minutes. But I mean, it’s obvious I know nothing about soccer.

“Good. It was tiring.” Garrett responds, taking a swig of water.

“When’s your first game?”                                                               

“Not until a couple weeks. We’re playing against Riverside.” Garrett says.

“Cool.” I respond. "Good luck." 

"Thanks, Spier."

Bram bites his lip. He’s always been pretty quiet and we don’t really talk a lot. The last conversation we even had was when I confused tryouts with freaking auditions. That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

“Hey.” I smile at him. He looks at me with his dark, expressive, brown eyes and there’s this flutter in my stomach, My heart clenches. There’s just something about him.

“Hi.” He smiles back, nervously. I spot something in his hands. It’s an oreos snack pack, the Halloween ones.

“I love oreos, too.” I say.

“Do you want one?” He offers. He seems nervous.

“Sure, thanks.” I take it. God, his hands are cute. “These are the best kind.”

“Yeah, they are.” Bram agrees, folding the open side of the bag over.

“Hey. My bus is here. I’ll see you guys later.” Abby waves before Nick walks her off toward the other kids who were waiting for the bus.

“I should probably get home, too.” It’s getting pretty dark out and my mom doesn’t like it when I get home too late after rehearsal. “Thanks for the Oreo.”

“Bye, Spier.” Garrett says and Bram smiles at me, shyly.

A few hours later, I’m laying on my bed trying to get my brain cells to cooperate with me and actually help me finish my algebra homework when my phone buzzes with an email.

**FROM:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

**TO:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

**DATE:** January 15 at 10:16 PM

**SUBJECT:** Us.

Simon,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. I know I’ve been acting kind of ridiculous lately and I’m truly sorry. It isn’t your fault you can’t figure out who I am and I know you’ve been trying. The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about you either. But putting my heart on the line really scares me. I’m not used to being able to say what I feel and that’s what makes this so hard. These emails have always felt like a place where I can say what I want and I love being able to talk to you.

If I’m being honest, I kind of guessed who you were a while ago but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure until recently. I think a big part of me was hoping it was you.

What I’m trying to say is, if you’re really willing to try this, then I am too. I think I’m ready to reveal who I am to you.

Love,

Blue.


	5. Chapter 5

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

_If you’re really willing to try this, then I am too. I think I’m ready to reveal who I am to you._

That line keeps playing in my head over and over again. My heart is racing and I feel my palms sweating like crazy.

And he signed his email with ‘love’, too. This can’t be real.

It takes me a few moments to realize that while I’ve been freaking out over his email, I’ve almost forgotten to actually write back.

**FROM:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

**TO:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

**DATE:** January 15 at 10:53 PM

**SUBJECT:** Us.

Blue,

Wow, okay… This is a really big moment for both of us. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been freaking out ever since I read your email (in an amazing way). When do you want to meet up? I have to get to school early tomorrow because we’re having our first school performance of _Oliver_ for the freshmen and seniors in the morning. And then another one in the afternoon for the sophomores and juniors. Do you want to talk during lunch? Or I guess maybe after school would be better so we have more time. When do you think is best?  
I’m really excited to finally see you.

Love,

Simon.

I don’t fall asleep at all. My brain is wide awake and I’m jittery and, almost drunk in a way, and he’s all I can think about. In less than 24 hours I’ll know who he is. And I’ll be talking to him in person.

My alarm clock wakes me up an hour earlier than normal to get ready for the show. Crap. I’ve only gotten about three or four hours of sleep and my brain is fucking exhausted. But Blue is telling me who he is today. It sort of freaks me out to think that at any given time during the day, he could come up to me and tell me who he is.

When I get to the auditorium, it’s nothing but total chaos. Props are missing and people are wandering around everywhere. All the tech people are trying to help locate everyone and make sure they’re 100% ready which is hard because half the cast is running around backstage and in the auditorium. I’m extremely distracted while I get ready. People are looking at me weird and it’s not in that homophobic way some of the kids have been looking at me since I was outed. Every time a guy even makes eye contact with me, I freeze.

“Hey, Simon.” His voice nearly makes me jump. It’s Jake Mullings who’s in my algebra and history classes. He’s also doing tech for the show.

“H- hey.” I stammer in surprise. He looks at me kind of funny.

“Can you do me a favor and put these programs on the table by the door? I’d do it myself but Cal needs my help with something right now.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” My cheeks are flushed in embarrassment.

“Cool, thanks.” Jake hands me the programs before heading over to Cal, who’s by the stage saying something into the mic on the headset he’s wearing.

“Simon!” It’s just Abby walking over to me with Brianna and Grace. She’s already fully in costume for her first scene. Her hair is done too and her makeup is applied. “There you are. You’re not ready yet?”

“I’m already in costume.” I point out, looking down at my oversized shirt and baggy pants.

“But you’re not in hair or makeup yet.” Grace says. “I have hairspray in my bag. Come on!” She grabs me by the hand and pulls me into the girls dressing room while Abby and Brianna follow. She puts something in my hair and then starts ruffling it. I’m not going to lie, it looks kind of cool, in a messy sort of way.

“Do you think he needs something else?” Grace asks Abby. “What about eyeliner?”

“No way!” I reply. I’m already wearing my contacts for the whole day and I don’t want to wear eyeliner, too.

“Come on, Simon!” She begs. “It’ll look great on you.”

“Only if Abby does it.”

 Abby nods. “That’s cool with me.” She says.

A few minutes later she steps back, squinting.

“All right. Look at me.”

“Am I done?”

“Basically.” She then spends the next few minutes touching me up.

“Whoa.” Brianna stops to look at me.

“I know.” Abby smiles, obviously proud of her work. “Simon, don’t take this the wrong way but you look kind of ridiculously hot.”

I turn around quickly. Holy shit. The guy in the mirror looks almost unrecognizable I can’t even believe that that’s actually me.

“What do you think?” Abby asks, smirking.

“I look weird.” I lift my hand up to my face, careful not to smudge anything.

“Wait till Cal sees.” Abby tells me.

But Cal isn’t the one I want to see me like this.

We get through the first performance of the day before heading to lunch. Then right after, the theatre kids head back to the auditorium to get ready for the second act. It’s kind of amazing. I’m so distracted I almost have to remind myself to Blue could pop up on me any second. While I look like THIS.

I change back into my costume for the second performance. I’m particularly excited for this one because Blue is going to see it. It almost makes me nervous knowing that he’s going to see me acting onstage, even if I don’t have any lines. About half an hour later, Abby and I stand next to the stage behind the curtains waiting for our cues when Ms. Albright taps my shoulder.

“Simon, would you come with me for a minute?” She beckons.

“Sure.” I follow her to the dressing room and she closes the door behind me.

“Go ahead and grab a seat.”  
There’s a couple chairs by the makeup counter and Martin is sitting in one of them. I don’t know what the hell is going on but I don’t even want to look at him.

“So something just happened and I wanted to talk to you guys about it first. I think you have a right to know.”  My stomach flips. “Someone altered the cast list out in the atrium and they changed the names to both of your characters to something inappropriate.”  
It doesn’t take me more than a few seconds to know what she means. Martin asks her if she’s going to cancel the show and she says she isn’t. Thank god. As shitty as I feel right now, I was really looking forward to Blue seeing it.

A few minutes later, Ms. Albright steps onstage holding a handbook. She looks pissed, like really freaking pissed. She goes on to lecture everyone in the audience about Creekwood’s “strict anti-bullying policy” and most of the students stop listening. It’s actually humiliating, even if people don’t know she’s talking about me. Abby squeezes my hand.

Once the show is finally over, I can’t wait to go home. Abby and Nick offer to take me out for the night but all I want to do is curl up in my bed and forget about everything. Today has fucking sucked. I was so excited and nervous for Blue to finally tell me who he is and he didn’t even have the courage to come up to me. He didn’t even bother responding to my email or to even fucking text me.

It’s raining like hell by the time I get to my car. I make a break for it and get to my car as fast as I can. I just want to go home. But right when I open the door, someone appears behind me.

“Hi.” He says, softly.

I turn around, quickly.

It's cute Bram Greenfield, of the soft eyes and soccer calves. I smile at him. It’s impossible not to.

“Hey.” I say.

Bram looks down at his hands. It’s hard to tell through the rain but he looks nervous. “I’ve been trying to find the right time to talk to you all day.”

“Talk to me about what?” I ask. But a short second later, it hits me.

“It’s you.”

"It's me." He confirms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i'm being honest, i'm actually really proud of this chapter. in case it isn't obvious i love spierfeld with my entire being so writing about these boys just makes my heart happy. 
> 
> thank you to everyone who's been reviewing and giving kudos!! i'm glad you guys are liking this fic!!! i think i'll add like two or three more chapters because i do wanna add the boys being cute boyfriends at the end just like in the book.
> 
> disclaimer: clearly i copied some of the parts from the book in this chapter so in case it wasn't already obvious enough, all the credit goes to becky albertalli because as much as i love them, i don't own the simon vs characters or the story.


	6. Chapter 6

Through the rain, Bram looks unbelievably astonishing. His lips look soft and delicate and his eyes are the most mesmerizing thing in the world. Bram’s jacket is soaking wet and there’s little crystals in his hair, from the rain drops. He actually looks like the common description of your leading male love interest in every typical teen romance movie.

“I can’t believe it’s you.” I say.

“It’s me.” He looks directly into my eyes and I almost forget to breathe. “You really didn’t know?”

I shake my head. The rain is getting into my eyes and I’m pretty sure the eyeliner Abby put on me is smudging because the part on my eyelid is starting to hurt but I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t look away from him.

“I’m sorry.” I tell him. Because that seems like the most important thing to do. He has to understand.

“For what?”

“For not figuring it out.”

“But it would be completely unfair of me to expect that.”

By now, most of the cars in parking lot have cleared out. There’s still students walking to their cars and leaving but for the most part, we’re completely alone.

It’s kind of funny. I’ve been picturing this moment for months and now that it’s actually happening I’m completely tongue-tied.

“Are you disappointed that it’s me?” Bram asks, his voice shaking.

“No.” And I sincerely mean it. How could I be disappointed that cute Bram Greenfeld is the one I’ve been emailing for months? That he actually likes me. Just that thought alone makes me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. “I’m really glad it’s you.”

Bram releases a deep breath and I realize he’s shivering. I almost completely forgot about the cold, rainy weather around us.

“Do you want to talk in my car?” I ask, already moving to open the passenger seat. Bram slides in. The second the door is closed, I crank the heater up all the way and let the warm air fill the car.

“I almost missed you.” He tells me. “I didn’t even think I had the guts to do this.”

“I’m really happy you did.” I say. My gazed is completely fixated on him and I notice he’s playing with his fingers, almost unconsciously. I just want to hold his hand. “I thought you were going to end up blowing me off or something.”

He shakes his head and leans it back on the headrest, shutting his eyes. There’s a small smile on his lips. “I think I like you too much to be that cruel.”

I inch my hand a little closer to his. My brain feels fuzzy and my stomach is knotted. “I want to hold your hand.” I say.

“So hold it.” He says.

And slowly, I place my hand in his and he wraps his fingers over mine.

We’re silent for a moment.

“But how are you a president?” I ask.

“What?”

“The same first name as a former president?”

“Ohh.” He remembers. “Abraham.”

“Ohhh.” I want to smack myself for being so stupid. How did I possibly miss this?

There’s another moment of silence. The only sounds heard are the rain hitting against the car windows and the soft thrumming of the heater.

There’s so much we have to talk about, things that need to be said. I don’t even know what we are. It’s obvious we both really like each other but I’m pretty sure we need to verbally define our relationship for it to be official.

“So..” I pause, biting my lip. I can feel his eyes on me like they're burning through. “What do you want from us? I really like you a lot but I’m not sure what you want. Or if you’re even ready to be out to everyone. And I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not ready for.”

Bram taps my hand with his thumb, pondering. After a moment he sighs.

“I’m all in if you are.”

“All in? Like what boyfriend?”

“I mean, yeah. If that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want.” I confirm. Bram Greenfeld is my boyfriend. Cute Bram Greenfeld. I can’t even believe it.

We smile at each other then all I can see are his soft lips. I shut my eyes, leaning in and I feel them touching. He pulls away for a moment to look at me before pressing his lips back against mine and resting a hand on my cheek. And the kiss isn’t like it was with Anna or Jackie. It’s magical and perfect and amazing.

“We should probably get out of here.” Bram reminds me. His face is still inches away from mine and I can feel his breath in by face while he talks.

“Do you want a ride?” I offer, hoping he’ll say yes.

He shakes his head. “My car is parked over there.”

“Oh. Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” I ask. “I really want to see you.”

Bram smiles. “Yeah, definitely.”

I’m jittery and happy as I watch him get out of my car. Just as I’m about to pull out of the school parking lot, I realize his phone is still in my passenger seat.

“Wait!” I call out. He turns around as I hurry towards him. “You almost forgot this.”

“Oh, thanks.” Our fingers touch for a moment when he takes it from my hand.

We’re in public but there’s no one around to watch as our lips touch again. It’s extremely cliché, the whole kissing-in-the-rain romance bit. It’s the best feeling in the world.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hear Bram smiling when he says that.

I can’t freaking wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahhhh, so i wasn't 100% sure whether i liked this chapter at first but i had a lot of fun writing it. again, this isn't the end of the story. i still haven't 100% decided yet but the last one or two chapters will be up by the end of this week. also, like i said earlier i have a few oneshot ideas in mind that are based off of certain parts in LOTO so i'll post those soon (i'll put spoiler warnings and i'll try not to say anything too specific in the summary so i don't spoil it for anyone who hasn't read the book yet). 
> 
> thanks again to everyone reviewing and giving this kudos! :)
> 
> disclaimer: the characters and any parts paraphrased directly from the book belong to becky albertalli


	7. Chapter 7

“So I didn’t get a chance to ask last night, Si.” My mom says as she scoops some eggs onto her plate the next morning. “But how did the show go last night?”

“It was fun.” I tell her. I’ve barely slept the whole night but I’m too hyped up to care. Bram and I spent most of last night texting and even made plans to hang out in the afternoon. I still haven’t completely processed the fact that I have a boyfriend. And that that boyfriend is cute Bram Greenfeld. “There’s actually something I need to tell you guys.”

Everyone looks at me patiently Wow, this is going to be awkward. Telling my parents I have a boyfriend almost feels like coming out all over again. Do most people even say anything to his parents this early? Or is that more for the serious stage? But he’s coming over in a few hours so there’s no way around it. Alice already saw my updated Facebook status so the rest of my family is going to find out soon enough. Maybe it’ll be easier to get over with in one go.

“Uh, I’m seeing someone.” I look down at this tiny thread on my jeans as I speak. “It’s new and we’re hanging out later today so please don’t do or say anything embarrassing.”

Their reactions are basically what was expected. Nora smiles, genuinely looking happy for me and both my parents are trying to play it cool but there’s a clear spark of excitement in their eyes.

“Wow, that’s wonderful, Simon.” My mom says. “What’s his name?”

“Bram.” I tell them. 

“No wonder you seemed so happy when you got home last night, kid.” My dad winks at me. He looks like he’s about to make a joke but I glare him down.

“Yeah, so just please don’t be weird.”

“What, you’re worried we’re going to ruin your image? You’re ashamed of your cool, hip parents?” He teases.

“Funny, dad.” But there’s a small smile on my lips and I can feel some of the tension leaving my shoulders.

A few hours later, the doorbell rings. I hurry to the door as fast as I can before my parents get it.

I feel tongue-tied as I open the door. He’s standing there in his brown, cashmere sweater and blue jeans and a pair of black sneakers. When Bram smiles at me it almost takes my breath away.

“Hey.” He greets me.

“Hi.” I almost forget to move out of the doorway. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” He enters, looking around the room. There’s a mix of nervousness and excitement fluttering around in my stomach.

“Can I get you something? Water? We also have soda.”

“I’m fine.”

“Hey, Simon.” The sound of my mom’s voice nearly makes me jump. I turn around to see my parents watching us.

“Oh, these are my parents.” My face is bright red while my dad shakes hands with Bram.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Spier.” Bram says, bashfully.

“You too, Bram.” My mom flashes him a smile.

About five minutes later, after all of the awkward introductions are finished, Bram and I are eating Oreos in the backyard laying on a hammock together and we talk about everything. From the size of Little Fetus to Frank Ocean being gay.

“Oh, and guess who was apparently bisexual.”

“Who?” I ask.

“Casanova.”

“Freaking Casanova?”

“Forreal.” He says. “According to my dad. It was his response to me coming out.”

“Wow.” Is all I can say.

Bram shifts for a second, smiling softly.

“So, I have to ask you something.” He says after a moment.

“What’s up?”

“My birthday’s tomorrow. I’m having dinner with my family in the evening but some of the guys from the soccer team and I are going to go out to lunch. Nick and Garrett are going to be there. Do you want to come?”

“Yeah.” I smile, kissing his cheek. “That sounds great.”

“Cool.” He says. When he turns his head toward me, his lips end up inches away from mine and we both lean in. And we’re kissing like we’re breathing. Then there’s this wholesome feeling that overwhelms me in the best possible way and it’s absolutely amazing. I can’t even describe it.

Half an hour later, we’re sitting together in silence. His arms are wrapped around me as I lay my head on his chest and our fingers are intertwined.

“I’m really glad you’re actually here.” I murmur into his chest.

“Me too.” He replies, his mouth resting on top of my head.

And we don’t move for the rest of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddd that's the last chapter! thank you to everyone who's read, bookmarked, reviewed and given this fic kudos. it really means a lot :)
> 
> i'm sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed. i'm not 100% happy with it but i've been swamped with school and prom's coming up for me in a couple weeks so it's been hectic but i wanted to finish this story up before things got even busier. i hope you guys still enjoyed this, regardless.
> 
> disclaimer: the characters and any lines copied from the book belong to becky albertalli


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